You can only be born again when the self has died. Rom 6 explains what happen when you are born from above. You died with Christ on the cross. You were united through the Holy Spirit with Christ’s death on the cross, so that your old self has died and you became new with Jesus in His resurrection. All has become new. Those who are in Christ are a new person, the old is gone (2 Cor. 5:17). This is the old unwilling and loving to sin self. The new person desire after the will of God. The old person had his own desires and loved sin. He did not feel remorse about sin. The new self want to glorify God and not himself.

“If [following Christ] has never cost you anything, you’re not following Him.” ~ Tim Conway

“If [following Jesus Christ] doesn’t cost you anything, it’s because you’ve bought into ‘American Christianity.” ~ Paul Washer

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Gal. 2:20

“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin” Romans. 6:6

Luke 14:27
“And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”

Hebrews 13:13
“Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore.”